🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.