Those Advice shared by A Father That Rescued Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger inability to talk among men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."